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M Syafik M Isa
Camera oscura; in the dark room
Camera oscura; in the dark room
If a picture paints a thousand words,
then a thousand words spake a myriad colours,
If a million colours can be spoken out,
how do you hear a colour yet see a sound?
This is the power of the light of all the worlds,
and to see this light requires one to be, yet without,
With his eyes opened to the wonders abound,
that is the photographer's essence, capturing light.
Jack of Many, Master of Nothing
Jack of Many, Master of Nothing
From playing music for 15 years of his youth since childhood to studying biomedical science out of curiosity and a desire to discover his limits, Syafik took a daring plunge into science, a field that his teachers considered his forte, but he himself did not truly believe to be. People often said if one was good at science, it meant you would naturally be good at math too. So he wondered why he was never particularly good at math, but it took him 7 years after O levels to discover why it did not come to him as easily as did other fields of study. It was due to the way he was taught the subject that he kept on failing and failing, only to forcefully swallow the rules and formulae to scrape a decent pass out of spite for his naysayers and doubters. At 23 years old, a friend who can be considered a type of genius in mathematics told him why certain math existed in one way or another, by pointing out dimensionality in calculations.
That granted him some clarity into understanding his strengths were not in the Sciences per se, but it was in a deep grasp of understanding the language it was taught with, confirming his idea that something had yet to be discovered within him. Granted the foray into science did not turn out such a good idea, it did give him a balanced perspective on life in both the arts and the sciences. The wholistic nature of knowledge that cannot be dichotomised but must be comprehended as two sides of the same reality opened his eyes and ignited a curiosity to venture further into philosophy and psychology, and then the economical and political.
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Dimensionality gives us a foundation, a structure of thinking of sorts, with which to understand that there will always be more that we do not yet know, compared to what we know, through which our venture from the known into the unknown -which is the very growth curve of knowledge itself- is unlocked through the blessings (read barakah) in practice ('amal). Little did he know, all these secrets of knowledge were encoded in the Book he had never studied before. He saw the Signs but never really knew they what they were. Before he could name and recognise them, he realised there was no one to rely on, he was alone. The only thing he recognised was that he didn't really know anything at all.
Journey of Self-discovery
Journey of Self-discovery
So he recalled the only one Name that was always spoken to him but never truly taught or introduced in his life the way he wished like some others knew. Or rather, he was called by that one and only Name which was the Source of ninety-nine others known, and also the myriad others that we don't necessarily know immediately, for He took pity on the lost and confounded Syafik who no longer knew heads or tails of anything, something He would repeatedly do for Syafik's path down the years later on.
Thus falling in love with this newfound faith, but never quite knowing who or what he truly was, with one side of his kin better at thinking and the other better at feeling, but never quite reconciling between the two dimensions of the same world of being, he started back from zero. He dared himself to push aside and wipe clean all that he thought he knew, unlearn all that he thought he had learnt, and proceed down a path of self-discovery. To heal the fragmented psyche, his entire youth was spent experimenting and re-learning, things he considered he should have always known. He had to discard everything, and regained back even more than even he dared to admit or recognise. This gave him an unrelenting faith that no matter how dark and broken things would get, He who Names Himself will never forsake Syafik's destiny.
A sinner has a future while a saint has a past.
Here I write for the present so that in future I am reminded that my only reliance is His Mercy, and so I may spend my entire life repaying my indebtedness owing my existence to His Grace, every day spent in return and repentance (inabah & tawbah), gratitude and perseverance (shukr & sabr), dependent on His Grace.
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